When someone we love or care about is hurting, it can be difficult to continue to be a source of support. While we may want to continue to offer what we can to help them feel better, it can be tough to continuously provide support, and not only because we have a finite amount of energy. You might also be experiencing the effects of emotional contagion.

Essentially, you’re catching the feelings that you’re friend is experiencing.

While emotional contagion hasn’t quite hit mainstream, it’s something that researchers are studying more, especially as we live in the age of social media where information, and moods, spread quickly.

Emotional contagion, researchers think, is actually an adaptive skill. If we can understand and empathize with those closest to us we secure the bonds of attachment and keep the unit together and on the same page. Unfortunately, we may find that we absorb the others’ emotions as well – even before we actually know it. We may find ourselves picking up on subtle behavioral cues in the person and even mimicking those cues and behaviors ourselves subconsciously. In essence, we can “catch” their feelings!

If someone in our life is feeling depressed, or otherwise having a hard time, we may find ourselves quickly feeling similarly, especially if we’re close to that person (that’s the evolutionary bonding at work). We absorb so much intense emotion that we then need to protect ourselves (counter-contagion).

I was recently reading an article in Psychology Today that talked about the idea of emotional contagion and how it impacts our collective mental health. You should definitely read about the implications for the spread of violence AND sharing positivity (it’s not all bleak news!).

It got me thinking about conversations I’ve had with friends and clients about the tendency we have sometimes to distance ourselves from negative energy.

Emotional contagion means that we, without even noticing it, absorb the emotions of those around us (even if those emotions aren’t explicitly said). This might explain why you find yourself pulling back from the friend whose having a hard time despite you wanting to support them. Simply put, we don’t like feeling bad. We might even forego quality time with someone we care about, especially if we often leave their presence feeling drained (counter-contagion).

How do we work through emotional contagion?

My argument isn’t that we should just accept contagion (and counter-contagion) as is and forego compassion for others completely, but I think this natural principle means that we can do our own personal work by checking in with ourselves often so that we may address the issue at hand, provide active support when needed and keep moving forward in our connections more healthily.

If you find yourself always feeling down around someone, maybe it’s time to use that knowledge to check in with them and see how you might be able to offer support differently. Chances are acknowledging that you’ve noticed will communicate how much you care and that can go a long way for someone who’s battling with something internally. And of course, you paying more attention to your own feelings also offers you the opportunity to get your needs and desires met as well.

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It’s a rarity for a man to be open about mental health struggles (especially if he doesn’t work in the field of mental health). The conversation with Bryan touches on family, friendships and the importance of participating in therapy throughout one’s life.

Take a listen!

Please tweet or DM us your questions and feedback. You can reach us at @vivawellnessnyc, @rachelgersten and @jorelcaraballo on Twitter and Instagram. Don’t forget to leave a rating and review on iTunes!

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It is also, in large part, a holiday driven by consumption. We tend to eat a lot, spend a lot of down time (if we’re fortunate enough) and gift A LOT. And there’s no judgment here, I do all of these things myself. But as we start to round out this year I can’t help but think about how even during this time it’s easy to overlook ourselves. It’s easy to overlook you.

That’s right…YOU. Let’s focus on you for a minute.

A lot of the conversation taking place nowadays centers around the question of, “What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten?” Alternatively, many people also ask, “What’s the WORST gift you’ve ever gotten?” The latter of which can be a pretty dangerous question if you have family and loved ones following you online! And no, definitely not talking from personal experience.

As I’ve been thinking about these conversations, I’ve taken some time to reflect and think on a new question:

What’s the greatest gift you ever given yourself?

This one seems a bit more difficult, doesn’t it? Of course, tangible products may first come to mind…myself included.

But as I sit and reflect, I think more about gifts that run much deeper. I think about how forgiveness is a gift that I’ve given to myself and try to give to myself over and over again. Forgiving myself for not living up to the expectations of others. Forgiving myself for mistakes and missteps on this journey called life, and forgiveness for my own internalization of ideas and expectations that no longer serve me.

These ideas can be hard to let go of.

So I ask, if you look past the gadgets and clothes or whatever else you’ve treated yourself to, what’s the greatest gift you’ve ever given yourself?

What great gift do you want to give yourself this year?

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I have always been an intuitive and sensitive person. As a young brown boy, I often found that I didn’t have a lot of outlets to process my introverted side, that is until I invested in reading and creative arts. I spent a lot of time at home journaling, writing, researching and digesting all I could to make sense of the world and my perceptions of it. Writing, learning and music helped me have a safe space to process all those rich thoughts and emotions I was having about myself, those immediately around me, and the world at large. They were saving graces honestly. Given that, as you might imagine, my interest in psychology was pretty natural fit.

A Teacher Who Helped Inspire Me to Become A Therapist

It wasn’t until senior (or junior, I forget!) in high school that I became even remotely aware of therapists outside of Frasier (still an old favorite, by the way). I registered to take a college level psychology course in high school and it turned the course of my life for the better.

My teacher, Mrs. Barbara Romich, happened to be one the most entertaining, and nuttiest, people I had ever met. She was normal, quirky, transparent, creative…it was all there. As I reflect back, I realize that saw a lot of myself in her.  I learned a lot over the course of my semester with her in psych 101 and that time in her class made me crystal clear on what my college plans were going to be.

The thing that struck me most about what Mrs. Romich exemplified was that she offered care and support for her students but not in this traditional, textbook way. She was just real. She was smart. Grounded. And most importantly she seemed to be herself. There was no pretense about her. I found that freeing. Afraid of entering a field where I wouldn’t be able to be authentically myself and express my creativity, I didn’t see many options outside of doing something super creative (like music). But, psychology (and therapy) offered me flexibility and creativity, all the while being a pretty damn cool way to help people live their best lives. Supporting people in this way is a purpose that I do be my best to cherish and honor everyday. Being able to be the person who I needed during the most difficult times in my life, for others, is something that’s very important to me. Therapy offers me the space to do that.

School and Beyond

I then went into college, majored in psychology and ended up at the prestigious graduate school Teachers College Columbia University where I was able to study Psychological Counseling alongside my friend and business partner Rachel. And, as they say, the rest is history!

Not everyone’s path is a linear as mine. Thankfully, I was able to marry my natural gifts and (I think) easygoing nature with a profession that could help people, which to me, is a worthy life’s purpose. I’ve been very grateful for the ability to work with my clients over the years and hope to continue to support many more for decades to come!

If you’re a mental health professional reading this, how did you decide to become a therapist?

To learn more about the services I provide in my work with clients please visit vivawellnessnyc.com.

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