When was the last time you felt happy?

 

Happiness. That’s what we’re all striving for, right? For most of us, that’s the ultimate goal. We know we’re on the right path if we feel happy on a regular basis.

So how do we get there?

There are many different paths to take to find happiness. Some of us find it through our careers, some find it through family, and some find it through traveling the world and taking photos that make the rest of us super jealous.

There’s no right way.

That’s both exciting and terrifying. It’s great to know there are so many different options, and that there will always be another path to take if the one we’re on doesn’t quite feel right. The possibilities are endless.

On the other hand, how are you supposed to know where to even start?! If there are hundreds, if not thousands, of options, how do you choose where to go first? These are the questions that allow me and my fellow therapists to have jobs. Just kidding. Kind of.

Jokes aside, I talk with clients about this all the time. While it’s easy to tell people to just pick a path and see what happens, it’s really hard to take that advice. Although the best of us know that we are able to make mistakes, that doesn’t mean we want to waste time pursuing something that ends up leading to a total dead end. It’s much easier to take that risk when we have some idea that we know we’re at least at the right starting line. Most people do much better when they at least have a guideline to follow. Hence the question that’s asked far too often, “What’s the secret to happiness?”.

There’s no secret, but there’s a way to make it a little easier.

Think about the last time you felt truly happy.

Not for just a moment because you were eating something really delicious or because your favorite sports team won a big game, but for a longer period of time. Maybe it was when you were on a vacation with all of your friends. It could be when you worked really hard on a group project in school, and got the big “A” you were hoping for. Was it after your last promotion? When you got married? When your kids were babies? When was the last period of your life that you can look back on fondly and say “Wow, that was great”?

Don’t worry, I’m not about to tell you to invent a time machine.

I am, however, going to tell you to think a little bit more about that period of your life. What was it that made it so special? Did you feel like you had more free time, and filled that time with family gatherings? Was it that you felt appreciated, productive, and accomplished?

You can’t time travel, but you can re-create what was so special in the past by seeking out situations that can give you those same feelings again. If it was quality time with loved ones, then shape your life around making sure you have plenty of free moments to spend with those who mean the most. If it was that you felt needed, seek out a life that’s filled with giving back and being there for other people.

It might not be easy to figure out when your “go to” time in your life was, but journaling or mindful reflection can help.

For me, I always go back to my time as a martial arts student and instructor. This is not to say that my true calling is teaching karate and I want to do it forever (sorry, Mr. C, if you’re reading this right now). But when I was both teaching and taking classes, I was truly happy.

Why?

First of all, I was moving. I was active. I’m much better when I move. If I’ve been sitting for too long, look out (sorry, Husband, if you’re reading this right now). On top of that, I was competing. Not necessarily with other people, but with myself. I was pushing myself to the best of my ability and I felt strong. I love that feeling – it’s the best. I was also making a difference in people’s lives. There are students I taught who I still remember and think of fondly today, 15 years later (Sad. I’m old). Lastly, I had close knit friendships.

It wasn’t necessarily karate that made me happy, but rather what karate brought me. With every decision I make, I try to remember the reason I felt so content during that period of my life. I try to seek out those feelings and situations as much as I can.

For a while, I was missing that competitiveness and sense of achievement in my life. I started running, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I make it a point to prioritize keeping in contact with people I love. I love everyday that I get to impact my clients in such a positive way.

When were you last truly happy? Why?

Once you figure that out, do your best to re-create that in every aspect of your life.

You might not know exactly where you’re going, but there’s no wrong path if it makes you happy.