Many of the conversations we have around this time of year center on the idea of returning home for the holidays and dealing with the related stressors. That, of course, is a concern for many. However, we don’t often talk about how stressful the holidays can be for those in committed relationships.
No two couples are the same. Each pairing will have its own issues and concerns to work through, however there are some common themes you may want to consider this season to survive the holidays as a couple.
Plan ahead
Whether this means months in advance or just a few days, planning is an essential component to managing the stress of the holidays. It is important that you make your plans work for you. This is true for both individuals and couples.
The tricky part about being a part of a couple is considering another person’s schedule and responsibilities in addition to your own. This can be especially tedious if you don’t live together and generally have separate day-to-day lives. Sit down for a planning meeting to suss out travel itineraries as much as you can ahead of time to avoid a last-minute rush and potential disputes.
Prepare for the holiday arguments
As many of us know, the holidays tend to bring on a lot of stress for folks. It’s a time of high pressure for many of us (been there, done that!). Between satisfying work deadlines and obligations to managing your family’s wants or expectations, it can be overwhelming. Tensions tend to run a bit high. Given that, it’s almost inevitable that you’re going to find yourself in an argument at one point or another as a couple.
Perhaps you typically might be able to navigate the point of conflict with a lot more patience and grace. But, during the holidays stress will be higher than normal. The same probably can’t be said for your capacity and time to cope and recover. You’ll also likely be out of your normal routine to some extent. Do your best to have a productive argument and fight fair to ensure that the impact of this argument won’t be felt for a long time to come.
Communicate, communicate, communicate
One thread you may have noticed throughout this post is the need for COMMUNICATION. Not communicating effectively is one of the biggest problems in relationships. It’s something that I see often in my work with individuals or couples when working through relationship issues in therapy or coaching sessions.
Talking through the holidays and your expectations for them are essential to surviving the holidays with your relationship in tact. Set aside some special time to connect and talk through all the components and your process to minimize potential miscommunication and unspoken expectations from entering the picture. Some questions to consider together are:
- What are you thinking you would like your plans for the holidays to be?
- How would you feel about spending the holidays together?
- What obligations are typical for you around this time of year?
- What is does your ideal holiday time look like? How would you most want to spend your time?
These questions can be a good starting off point to a bigger, and more detailed, conversation that will ultimately put you in a much better place to survive the holidays with your relationship in tact.
Preparation and communication are two very important keys to making the holidays a successful, good time. Those ideals, along with an extra bit of patience and compassion, will help keep your relationship together so that you can move into the next year without anger and resentment.
Author: Jor-El
Jor-El is Co-founder of Viva Wellness and a foodie and film buff. He most often writes about mental health, relationships, food and mindfulness. When he’s not busy working, he typically can be found lounging or walking around NYC with his pup Nomi.
