Let’s stop faking our emotions

A few months ago, I traveled back to my long time home of Arizona for a long-ish weekend. A couple of things to know before we go on:

1. I don’t like Arizona. I grew up there, but as soon as I was old enough to really have an opinion, I was not a fan.
2. Long flights are stressful for me, especially when one of those flights is a red eye. I can’t sleep on planes. Yes, I’ve tried whatever tip you want to give me. I’m bad at sleeping in a bed. A plane isn’t happening.

So despite these two unchanging facts, I planned a last minute (for me) trip to go back to attend the 20th anniversary celebration of my karate school. The decision to do so despite my aversion to long, red eye flights and Arizona tells you how much this event, and the school in general, means to me. The right decision was to go. I wanted to go. BUT…

The friend I was staying with asked me if I was excited, and my answer was no.

I wasn’t trying to be the grumpiest person alive, nor was I feeling particularly salty that day. I genuinely wasn’t excited. I was happy to be able to go and see people who have played a huge role in my life. Excited, though? No, sorry. I’m not excited for a trip that includes a lot of things that are very unpleasant for me. Excitement, for me, is saved for things that don’t come with a huge dose of stress and aggravation. Maybe my excitement was just being squashed by the anxiety of the travel and the missed time from work. Either way, it wasn’t happening.

And you know what? That’s okay. It didn’t take away from the importance of the event, or the positive experience I had when I was there.

How many times have you been in a situation where you feel you have to get it up emotionally for people who if you’re feeling something specific? Maybe I’m alone on this, but I think it happens often. If the answer isn’t yes, it always seems like the “WOMP WOMP” sound effect should play.

I really wonder why it’s not okay to just say how we feel.

It was 100% okay that I wasn’t excited. It’s usually okay if I don’t feel OVERWHELMINGLY POSITIVE (or overwhelmingly anything) towards a situation. I’m good with it, so you should be good with it too. It’s a much more authentic interaction to just say how you’re actually feeling. It’s easier. It takes less work. It’s genuine.

We need to get past this idea that there are “bad” emotions.

It’s okay to be less than thrilled. It’s okay to be upset, aggravated, frustrated, etc. It’s a part of the human experience – and we ALL feel every single one of those emotions. They’re not always pleasant, but it’s a lot easier to get through them if we can be open and honest about how we feel.

So next time someone asks you if you’re excited (or anything else you’re just not feeling), know it’s okay to say no. Share how you’re actually feeling, if you want to. But either way, can we all agree to just answer those “how are you feeling?” questions honestly? Yes?! YES.