What Being “Sex Positive” Actually Means

As a therapist (well, and a human) I consider myself to be “sex positive”. But what does that really mean?

Let’s start with what it’s not.

Sex positive doesn’t mean that one agrees with any sex at any time, involving anyone or anything. Generally sex positive means that one has an awareness and appreciation for the many experiences of people who enjoy sexual activity (or those who choose to avoid it altogether!). It’s not about advocating for sexual assault, pedophilia or any non-consensual sex. These are commonly held myths which you can read more of here.

The International Society for Sexual Medicine also has a good definition of what it means to be sex positive.

Being sex positive isn’t necessarily about having a healthy dose of enthusiasm for sex (although that can be one component for one personally), but it is more so about adopting a perspective that is affirming of diverse and individual forms of sex and sexuality. That is, where traditional notions of sexuality aim to control sexual behavior through shame, judgment and perhaps guilt, being sex positive means operating from a totally different perspective. Being sex positive means affirming an individual’s right to enjoy the kind of sex they’re having, who they’re having it with and at what frequency works for them.  That is, as long as that sex is between consenting adults (legally, ethically and morally).

Being sex positive means affirming the various ways in which people enjoy expressing themselves through their sexuality. Being sex positive means reinforcing an individual’s right to self-determine what works for them sexually.

As a therapist, this means that I approach each client’s sexuality with an open mind. Instead of inducing shame, it’s about helping clients get the most out of their sex lives while minimizing any concerns or negative consequences. Often, this includes helping couples figure out ways to rekindle their sexual lives and helping individuals become more comfortable in owning their desires and attractions.

Sexual health is an important part of overall health and wellness.

Many of us have been taught that sex and sexuality are things that we should feel shame about.  There are so many voices that tell us how we should be and how we shouldn’t be when it comes to our sexualities. Sex positivity is about reducing that shame and stigma so that whether you are highly sexual or asexual, whether you enjoy being tied up or not, you find the best way to make your sexuality work for you.

And the next time you start to shame yourself or feel bad about your own desires, just stop and ask yourself , “how much more enjoyable could my sex life be if I were more sex positive?”